domingo, 27 de junho de 2010

Indecisões


Odeio.

Odeio isto.

E depois zango-me comigo própria. 

Como se existissem 2 pessoas dentro de mim, eu e mais alguém que acha que sabe mais e que tem o direito de me julgar.

Que mania de não saber tomar decisões. É sempre tentar escolher o melhor caminho e no fim nunca conseguir optar por nenhum. Tenho a dizer que é extremamente frustrante. Facilmente me entusiasmo por algo, assim como facilmente me desanimo. É o que dá não saber o que se quer. Barco à deriva numa maré de opiniões, na qual a minha se dissolve.

E é triste... sim tenho a dizer que é muito triste quando se deixa de saber o que se quer. E assustador. E confuso. Sempre tive os meus objectivos, de curto ou médio prazo, que me foram guiando. E agora? Agora não tenho. Claro, depois dá nisto. Avaliar pós e contras de cada possibilidade, tentar ver qual a melhor opção. Mas eu não quero a melhor, eu quero o que eu quero. Resta descobrir o que isso é...

A grande questão aqui é a mesma de alguns meses atrás. Mestrado: onde?

São tantas coisas a ter em conta... ou será que estou a complicar?

Bah... a questão deveria ser tão simples.

"O que é que eu quero?"

Acontece que a resposta é... NÃO SEI!

Solução?

Bom, há sempre a boa velha solução do papelinho, ou da moeda ao ar. Já me tem poupado alguns neurónios e até hoje nunca me arrependi de dar ouvidos à dita sorte. Não queria deixar assunto de tal importância nas mãos de sabe-se lá quem, mas a verdade é que me parece neste momento a forma mais eficaz de me decidir.

Vamos lá ver.

quarta-feira, 23 de junho de 2010

Qualquer coisa


E pronto... porque alguém queria aqui alguma coisa escrita, cá estou. O que escrever não sei muito bem, mas "qualquer coisa" já está de certeza =P

 Brincadeiras à parte, não tenho tido grande vontade de escrever seja o que for... um ou outro rascunho, mas nada levado até ao fim... falta a paciência. Aquela paciência de retirar da cabeça tudo que se passa no dia-a-dia. Não é necessário. Digamos que me tem passado tudo um bocado ao lado. Posso até dar importância no momento, mas depressa passa a passado. Saturada de tudo isto, até a vontade de ir para campo é pouca. Até ás 10 ainda se faz qualquer coisa de bom animo, mas depois disso... enfim... o fim também não está longe (felizmente), mas o trabalho para fazer ainda é algum...
 
Resumo dos últimos tempos? Censos, dados e muita preguiça. Os tapetes de argila já não os posso ver à frente, mas isso são detalhes. Das mãos, ao ancinho e posteriormente à enxada, qualquer dia não tenho é costas.

O que me vai entretendo ainda são as paisagens e a bicharada, porque de resto... como dizia alguém, cujo nome não me vem agora à memória, "Quanto mais conheço as pessoas, mais gosto dos animais." e é tão verdade que chega a ser triste xD enfim... algumas lá se vão safando :)

As previsões para os próximos tempos são, à parte do calor infernal, dias bastante activos. 

O campo de trabalho internacional está a chegar, os preparativos a fazer mais que muitos e as actividades a realizar também.  No meio de tudo isto, ainda há que arranjar tempo para trabalhar e ir a casa, que já lá vai um mês (quase) e está-me a fazer falta.

Mas há de correr tudo bem e com um bocadinho de sorte há de quebrar-me a rotina e deixar-me com mais vontade de fazer alguma coisa xD A ver vamos =)


Missão cumprida...?

=P

quarta-feira, 9 de junho de 2010

June!

June... June is here already! At this speed soon enough it will all be over. Relief? Yes. But I'll miss it as well. A lot. Probably more then what i can now imagine. I'll miss not only the field activity, but also the people. Yes. My work colleagues. They somehow turned into friends, even though in a different kind of way... i guess. I got so used to this here that i can't now think of a different way... New city, new people, new life all over again...  It's so troublesome... Oh well, no point in thinking about it now. Just have to enjoy what i have as much as i can =)

After what was a peaceful weekend at home (only the usual disturbances between my mum and bro), came also a peaceful and short week. Five am, there it was... ringing. Time to get up. What's my surprise when i get to the kitchen and find out that even ricardo is going early today? Not having to wait for João and Eduardo to get ready, i go with him to the office and to Faia Brava. It doesn't work out as fast as i first thought though, cause a pit-stop for coffee is done along the way and Fernando decides to drive really slowly till Sabóia in search of the horses (yes they run again...). In the end we got there almost at the same time, but whatever. Time for census. Lullula arborea, Emberiza calandra, Fringilla coelebs and Cuculus canorus, just can't shut the hell up... The usual Sylvia hortensis and Oriolus oriolus present me with their presence though =) First point done, 6 more to go. Ten am, i'm done "already." I started  and finished too late... but what can i do?  

After a walk paying attention to footprints and other animal signs, i stop at eduardo's observing point and stay around just for fun. Egyptian-vultures fly around, as well as a red-kite, not to mention the griffin. Out of nowhere i hear something moving. When i turn around, what do i see? A Psammodromus algirus crawling around. They seem to be everywhere, but this one had an odd tale. Maybe it was kind of new, i don't know. All i know is that distracted by eduardo, who was trying to photograph him, the little thing allowed me to catch it. Never thought i'd be able to get one really... and... i know i know... i shouldn't catch animals, but it was right next to me, without moving... just couldn't resist it =P

Around midday i went back with the workers to Figueira, with the monthly report on my mind. Lunch done and eaten, e-mails checked and I'm asleep xD 2h and half later my eyes open, a nice feeling of laziness fills me, but it's time to do something. I go out to get a rake to use on the clay carpets. Back at home i get my hands on my data.

Wednesday, this time 4.30 as i'm supposedly leaving even earlier than usual with Ricardo. One hour later at the office we still have to wait half an hour for Fernando...  As if that wasn't enough we then go pick up the tractor, which takes another 30 minutes, and plus! Drive to Faia Brava at a speed of 30Km/h .... Time of arrival in Sabóia? 7h30. Great. Can anyone please remind me why I woke up earlier? As obvious as it is, my census were canceled, as in about two hours or so it would be too warm already. Won't happen again... at least not like this. Next time joão will just have to wake up early or won't use the car. I make my way to the ponds and start breaking the rock like clay. It's gonna take a while to fix them. 3 hours later, six carpets are finally muddy, but not for long... The horses don't help much either and are always stepping on them =/ 
Ponds ready, i still do a 2km long transect and then have to go back with the workers. Good thing i did, cause when i got home, joão was back already and wouldn't be able to pick me up in the end of the day. I spend the afternoon around data (this time without napping xD), but the work goes slowly... i also start getting frustrated with the identification of mammal tracks and eventually remember that there's going to be a course with the spanish guy from the book i use on the next weekend. The registration period is over already, but luck's on my side and i still got a vacancy ^^ 


Enthusiastic with the trip to Aveiro on friday, thursday goes by slowly... Census in the morning, burning hell after 10 am. I take forever to do the way back up the hill , having to stop every 20 meters or so. Air doesn't seem to reach my lungs as the sun seems to be punishing every living creature. Back to the vulture pond, it's time to once again fix the clay carpets. As expected, horse prints all around, nothing else. Next pond, no horses cause it is outside the fence. One of the carpets has a footprint, other a little gift =P Eventually Annewill and Marinus come by and we head back to Algodres for lunch. 

 
After a long discussion about where to go in the afternoon, we decide to visit one pond which has a few iberian ribbed newts ^^ i've never seen one and i'm really looking forward to see it =D As we get there, Marinus jumps into the water with his net and the hunt begins. All around are western spadefoot tadpoles... The net goes in and out of the water countless times, but only giant tadpoles come out... after what seemed like a long time, a ribbed newt appears =) What can i say about it? It's the ugliest while cutest thing i've ever seen...!!  


Friday morning, on the way to Aveiro City =) I get there around lunch time and then meet célia in the student's house. Plan for the day? Have an ice-cream with rui, do whatever afterwards and have dinner with xana and tiago. What do i actually do?  I go to Buçaco till 9pm and then take a train back to aveiro xD really... why plan anything? Oh well... i liked it better this way =)

Saturday and Sunday was the course... what can i say about it? I didn't learn that much, but it did give me some confidence on the identification. The most positive thing i can say about it i think, was the fact that after 7 or 8 months i actually got to be around people...  talk and share experiences... that's something i haven't done in a while. Most of them were older than me and with much more experience, but it was nice :) The spanish guy was a very nice person, very humble, with a certain degree of insanity, but with a lot of knowledge to share =) It was an experience to recall =)