New beginning...?

It's been quite some time since I last wrote... time has gone by, as well as my life, but my will to write is nowhere to be found. I'm here today, not because this will has returned, but in attempt to ease my mind from all this lack of writing. It's all a matter of routine  really... and I'd trully like to keep it, even though i sometimes wonder if this journal of mine isn't just a big waste of time. Well, one thing's sure. I keep on practicing my english skills.

This past 2 weeks have been very peaceful, but mind disturbing as well. I can't say I've done much, in fact i can't say i've done anything at all for the last 3 months... details xD Anyway I thought a lot about my work, but my mind's full of doubts. There's so much to learn, so much i don't know. I end up feeling ignorant... like all those years of study haven't taught me anything at all. I feel like I should know so much more... which gets me frustrated... doubting myself and my own skills. I can easily put these thoughts away. There's nothing i 've proposed myself to do that I haven't been able to accomplish. But first i need to see everything clearly. Carefully plan my work, not forgetting my goals. It hasn't been easy though. Not to mention that a few things can only be achieved with practice... and that requires time. But let's not suffer from anticipation. The good news are that things seem a little clearer to me now. I'll make it somehow xD

I'm back at home, after what was a long month away. I came for a short period of time, but it was great to see some friends' faces and to share a few moments with those special people that make up my life. I'll be leaving again tomorrow, for what will hopefully be a fresh new start.

A week later...

So.... it's been a week... I have so many things to describe, but i feel so lazy to do it... so I'll just write a little and let the pictures do the talking this time.

 

Last Saturday was the "Vultures - take 2". Once again they didn't feed on the bones or carcasses but were alighted on trees and rocks.

They spent hours behind the shelter, as if playing us around. 

The day was basically spent watching tits, warblers, larks and european robins on nearby olive trees... as well as napping inside the jeep...

On sunday i was once again gifted by snow ^^ this time much more intense :) and I quietly spend it on the computer, looking through my bedroom window and watching tits and warblers.

On Monday the vultures finally attack the feeding site, but we have a meeting in the morning. I try to see them in the afternoon, but they've left already.

Tuesday is raining and so we go for a jeep walk.We make our way to the southern part of the reserve. 

It's amazing how the river has grown and how all the water lines are running. 

The rest of the week is spent doing pretty much nothing, except helping eduard with the shelters construction.

On friday the photographer comes back for the "Vultures - take 3". This one goes way better and 50 vultures show up :)

After leaving them in the feeding site, i make my way to feed the horses, but i first need to wait for the sun to come up ;)

The day is long and spent on collecting water samples with my teachers.

Due to some's stubbornness the jeep gets once again stuck in the mud, complicating the whole afternoon. Ed and the photographer need to go back to Algodres by foot and I miss a sampling station...

After a long and hard work, Fernando saves the day and once again rescues the jeep. It's time to go home :)

I feel confused about my work, but I'm sweetly cheered up :)

Saturday goes on smoothly at home, cleaning up stuff...

I wish i was somewhere else...

Vultures

5 am. Darkness still reigns outside. The night-sleep was short, but energizing. I'm ready for another day, even though the unknown awaits me. We're gonna take Fernando and a photographer friend of his to the vulture feeding site in order to observe griffin vultures and eventually golden eagles. It's all a matter of luck, since the animals may or not go there, but everyone feels lucky and excited. 

We make our way through murk, even stars seem to be gone. Rabbits are sometimes seen crossing the road, or simply running from the jeep, but nothing else is sighted. We get there before dawn and prepare everything. Fernando takes his time getting the camera ready, as he needs to focus and position it correctly, since he'll be shooting it from inside the shelter. 

The first rays of light arise from the mountains, smoothly highlighting the trees from the now blue sky. Bones with scraps of meat are strategically left on the ground and rocks, in hope to attract the vultures. The temperature is probably below zero and as time goes by I can't feel my feet or nose anymore. We leave them hiding in the shelter and go to Saboia. We'll be reporting the animals that fly by and try to watch them ourselves. Hours pass and no sign of the vultures... The workers call us eventually, turns out that the van had a problem and they need the jeep. I happily volunteer to take it and leave eduard with the telescope. I'd rather go home than freeze to death waiting for vultures.

 I leave the jeep with the workers and they give me a ride home. Feeling lazy and somehow sleepy, i turn on the computer and the heater.  I can't wait to feel my feet again xD Soon enough eduard texts me. He says i can take his car to go back... but to tell the truth i don't really feel like going... maybe if the vultures do show up. Around lunch time i get the jeep back, fight my own laziness and get back to the Faia... I'd have to  go back either way to pick everyone up, so...  Eduard is almost dying of cold and boredom as nothing seems to be going on. Sadly for me i'm soon contaminated with the same problem. Vultures fly over the feeding site every once in a while. They've definitely seen the food, but for some unknown reason they're feeling uncomfortable to land. Boredom eventually gives place to despair and i just want the day to end. All this trouble to watch a couple of vultures feeding? Not for me... more opportunities will come xD Around 3pm the pair of golden eagles gift us with their presence. Now that's a more interesting sight ^^ They fly around, push away a griffin and fly over the feeding site. Soon they land on nearby rocks, but they're also suspicious about the site and eventually leave. Almost after the arrival of the golden eagles, the workers also show up. And they brought another donkey. We give the day as finished and go with them to the vulture place to leave the donkey. I decide not to watch this one being killed and go back to jeep. It's a freezing cold outside, so it feels nice to be protected against the chilling wind and be warmed by the sun. My mind flies way way off, but I'm soon called back to planet earth to go back home. Maybe the vultures will come tomorrow. No one can know for sure.

Back to Action

It's thursday. I've been home for the last few days dying to go back to Faia Brava. I feel lazy to get off  bed, but today i'm finally going out :D I get up, kinda sleepy, and look through my window... white things are flying around... first thought: are those ashes? Oh my god...! No... it's snowing...!! Excitement takes over me and suddenly i feel like a little child again :D Big white flakes fall from the sky turning everything white. I go out to the street and I can't believe my eyes, i feel like i'm inside a snow globe that has just been shaken. Joy fills my heart in an unexplainable way. I don't think i've ever seen snowing like this! 

We hop into the jeep and make our way to Algodres. Looks like it's only snowing in Figueira. My eyes are thrilled, focused on every turn of the road, every bird on the sky, every tree of the landscape. It's been some time.

Back on Faia Brava we find ourselves with the workers who are taking care of some horses.  We help a little bit and chitchat for a while. It's good to see everyone again :) The workers go their own way (turns out there are 2 dying donkeys to take to the vulture feeding site) and so do we. I need to check both cameras, but i feel a little scared since one of the (once completely dry) water lines is now running vigorously. As we make our way, fear grows stronger inside me, there's water everywhere... water lines are all running and one of the ponds is completely filled. Off the jeep, what i just feared moments ago turns real and my mind refuses to accept what my eyes are seeing. The once small and laughable pond is now incredibly big...! And my camera... well my camera's inside it. I try to reach it, but that shows impossible, at least without getting soaked. If this one's underwater than i can't even think about the other one. 

We rush back to jeep and take the shortest way to the next pond, through the olive groves. Distracted, talking, we don't pay much attention to the road condition, which soon turns into a deadly mistake. Moments later we're stuck in the mud.  We turn on the 4 wheels, but nothing happens, the jeep doesn't move. We try going back, but the result is the same.  The more we attempt to get out, the more stuck we get. Off the car the soil is fluffy and filled with water. It's hard to even walk on it without getting stuck as well. We evaluate the situation, use shovels to try to get out, but nothing seems to work. We give up and go back to Saboia to grab some boards, but they don't work as well. Out of nowhere, like guessing our growing despair, Fernando calls us. He'll come help us with the van. On the waiting time we walk to the pond to check on the camera, but as we get there, the situation is the same. My camera is swimming. This one i can reach, but frustration fills me... What am i gonna say to Antonio? I open it up, it's filled with water and looks pretty ugly. I'm almost sure there's no point in trying to dry it, but a ray of hope still lives inside me.

Back to the jeep we find fernando waiting for us. We'll have to help him out with the donkey before he rescues our car... The poor thing is at its end, but keeps on breathing, stubbornly clinging to its life as if things could still get back to normal.  I wish it would just stop breathing, go in peace, but that didn't happen... With ropes around its legs, it's brutally pulled to the feeding site, its head dragging all the way, its knees now bleeding. But it doesn't give up, air keeps on going in and out, in a dark show of pain and sadness, as it is moved around in a search of the perfect spot. At his point, I dunno what kept me watching... but I did. A knife strikes its throat. Its last manifestation of sound is heard as blood gushes out... Its eyes stuck to this world, as if the other is way too scary. Blood keeps on gushing for a few more seconds, until a final spasm reveals the end of its life. Its eyes, now resting. What happened after its death is not quite clear to me. But i soon find myself next to the jeep once again, as the van tries to pull it from the mud. It's quite a task, but it gives in eventually.  

The day is in its end. The sun is once again hiding in the horizon. Shadows grow as the sky turns red. 

 Everything has a cycle.

Saudades

 

"Saudade" the 7th most difficult word on the world to translate to any other language. Its meaning is quite obvious to any portuguese speaker, but translating it to english is quite a task. There's no equivalent word. We can say we miss something or someone, but it doesn't have all the warm and melancholic feeling associated with the word "saudade". "Saudade" is the missing feeling itself and there's no other word i can use to describe what i feel right now.

I'm so close, yet so far... I miss the morning cold freezing my bones, i miss the stillness of the sun arising from the mountains and warming the sweet vision of dawn, i miss the exciting feeling of stepping on what seems like untouched grounds of a fresh new day, i miss the sound of the wild running waters, i miss the wind pitilessly slapping my face, i miss the birds cacophony in the end of the day, i miss the horses, i miss the workers and the jeep rides, i miss the curvy and pitted dirt roads, i miss the flocks of sheep and their ringing bells' sound, i miss the trees and the rocks, i miss the vultures in the sky, i miss, i miss, i miss...!! I miss other things as well... some of them i miss so damn much... things that have nothing to do with my lately daily life, things that make me nervous and happy at the same time, things that i don't dare to talk about on this blog of mine...

Hopefully tomorrow I'll get back to action (or something close to it) and I won't miss those things so much... at least, part of them... others, well others will just have to wait :)

2010

According to the Gregorian Calendar today's the 1st day of 2010. Now... it's good to remember that this calendar has only been implemented on the 16th century by Pope Gregorian XIII, as a correction to the former Julian calendar. Meanwhile, both of them use the Anno Domini for year counting, which is Jesus Christ year of birth.  I stop and wonder about this whole thing... this is nothing but a counting system of time. But what is time? I search wikipedia for an answer, but all it tells me is that:

"Time is a component of the measuring system used to sequence events, to compare the durations of events and the intervals between them, and to quantify the motions of objects. Time has been a major subject of religion, philosophy, and science, but defining it in a non-controversial manner applicable to all fields of study has consistently eluded the greatest scholars."  

= nobody really knows.

Time plays such a big role in our society, but we still can't define. All we can do is count it, plan it and use it, and that we do very well. I could go on and on and discuss the various viewpoints of time, its relativeness and subjectiveness, as well as its linearity or cycling nature, but that's not really my point, even though it would be a very interesting discussion. My point here is the crazy celebration of a new year. Most of the time people don't even know how the counting system works. All they know is that the year starts on 1st of January and ends on 31th of December (don't ask them why or who made that up, that's just the way things are). So... what's the whole point of the so called reveillon? People party up, get drunk and next day life goes on... 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, yay! It's midnight. Everyone goes crazy, champagne bottles are opened up, currants are eaten for each month of the year, everyone hugs each other and wishes a happy new year, the house owner gives a speech about friendship and health. Me? I'm just staring. I feel misplaced. This doesn't make any sense to me. At least not this way, not with those people. What the hell's wrong with me? I can understand that the coming of a new year may mean a renewal chance, like everything can start over, a fresh new beginning. An opportunity to throw away the past and start a new life. People do new year resolutions and what so ever. But that can happen everyday, u just have to want it. So in the end, it's just a stupid celebration with no meaning at all, right? It doesn't really matter if you had a happy 2009 or 2010, if u were born on 1987 or 1989, as it doesn't matter that u got a job on a monday or a friday or that someone died at 10am or 6pm. Dates don't mean a thing. So what's the point of celebrating them? They only matter on the moment they happened. After that it's past, it's gone. We should celebrate every single moment, after all every second is a new year.  I'm obviously not saying that we should spend our life partying. But the excitement that most people experience on the countdown to a new year should always lie inside us, for every breath we take, every action we do, everything we achieve. Every moment has a huge potential. We just have to live it up. 


E tenho dito.


Happy life for everyone.