Random morning

It's 7 am. I'm cozily lying on my bed. 'Been semi-awake for quite some time now. Outside the day is still dawning. Inside shadows are still embracing me. Wrapped in the twilight of my room, I wish this moment could somehow last forever. I get out of bed with an uncomfortable feeling. Wish I was home. The idea of a lovely weekend with my family comes to mind and a sudden nostalgia overruns me. There's an emptiness inside that only they can fill. I wish I could cry to them... I wish they'd comfort me. I know they would. But I can't. No. The Aries stubbornness and pride runs within me and I can't overcome it. Hidden inside this shell of mine, I lie there and wait/work for my problems' solution.  No one needs to know what's going on. No one needs to talk about it. Think about it. Ask about it. Interaction with the outside world? Yes, but just around my comfort zone. Superficial and mundane conversation is just as far as I can go. The pressure of having to do more than that just makes me close even more. Have I said I miss the wild? The long days I spent on my own surrounded by nothing but Nature? The only place where I don't have to pretend that I care about the Human race? The only place where I can find perfection in complete chaos?  The only place where things are simply the way they are, the way they're supposed to be? No thought. No moral values. No judgment. I am tired of all of this. This constant need of people for approval. The persistent fight for superiority. Righteousness. It's so damn sad. And when you realize that people are just what you think of them, once you stop thinking, you finally get to know them. And the truth? We're all the same. No more, no less. Me included. We might be more or less unconscious about it. But that's just about it. And once we realize that, much of the daily conversation just turns pointless. A complete waste of time. Energy. Patience. And I? I've had my share. That's why I rather contemplate Nature elements than engage in a foolish conversation. Where all I can see is ego approval. Where one person is naively trying to socialize. Fit in I'd say. Search for approval. Why should they? We're all the same. The hypocrisy of pretending to be someone you're not. Someone you might even believe you are, but that under the right circumstances you might just find out you're not. Just to feel like you belong. Our needs are so ridiculous. And I'm not saying all conversations are like this. A lot of them are though. And I'm not saying all people act like this. A lot of them do though. I guess I'm just randomly divagating in order to distract myself from what really troubles me.  Focusing my inner rage into whatever is just the easiest thing to do :) I know. I am aware of that. But that's what writing is for. I can now face the World without giving a damn about what it will think ^^